20 Questions

Questions are a peculiar space for me. While I love questions as a way to get to know someone or a way for them to get to know me, I absolutely abhor being questioned. Itelicits an almost immediate defensive space. Ask me about the things I like, how I feel, or what I think about something and I’m down to have all of the conversation. 

Question me about whether or not I mean what I say, what I’m doing with my time, where I’m going, or hell, anything depending on my mood. (Yeah, I’m working on that inner diva that responds to a feeling of doubt or mistrust with all of the cringes inspired by nails on a chalkboard.)

So, what did I decide to do? I came up with 20 questions, some of which I love to answer and some that drive me batty. (I won’t reveal which are which for me though.) Feel free to answer any you’d like to share in the comments. (Or not.)

What is love?

How important is sex?

What difficulties do you face with communication?

What are your edges?

How much talking is too much?

Can you share your lover?

What is it that keeps us holding on? 

What do you do when there’s no point of compromise?

What are you willing to do for love?

How much work should relationships require?

What are you willing to compromise for something you want?

Do you really know yourself, and your patterns?

Are you honest when it’s not easy?

Would you rebuild a bridge that you burned?

Can trust be repaired?

Is love enough?

What are your deal breakers? 

Do you know what you really want love in your life to look like?

Does your journey require a destination?

Are you happy? (Bonus) If not, what are you going to do about it?

Well that’s all I’ve got for you this week, but then again that’s a crap ton of stuff to think about and I’m sure I could come up with 20 more questions. (But even I need to set limits from time to time.)

While you ponder these, keep in mind… 

Love them as they are, have amazing sex, and communicate with intention.

David

“Nobody wants that!”. . .and Other Absolutes

“Nobody wants that!”. . .and Other Absolutes 

I am not a fan of absolutes. I especially dislike them when they refer to me. There are few things in this world that I feel really strongly about. My art, my time, my truth (well, that was mildly narcissistic)—okay, THE truth. I’ve found that in conversation, most absolutes are hyperbolic opinions rooted in one’s experience rather than actual truth. Speaking in absolutes seems to be a pretty common method of expression. I can't imagine that I’m the only one this drives bananas. 

(Like I always do, I'm sure I will contradict myself somewhere in here.)

Communication, as you know, is both a major imperative for me, as well as one of my great challenges. Being a very fact-based thinker, I find myself continually challenged when it comes to emotional communication. It gets hard to discern the meat or facts buried in the thick of an emotional expression. (Maybe that’s part of the problem: I’m looking for facts at the core of a feeling.) Present me with an emotional problem and I want to know the why so I can remove or get you to reevaluate that reason as a means of solution. I guess in that way I’m like most men, a problem solver. 

Before I go further, let me be sure not to confuse you. I do have feelings, plenty of them.  Sometimes they even overwhelm me, but for the most part I do my best to not allow them to be in charge of how I function.

Words like all, every, none, never, etc. seem to be triggers for me. I have to take a beat and catch my breath when I hear them. (Something I’ve been working on doing more.) It feels like a little itch inside that makes me wanna scream “NO!” Absolutes feel most egregious in the negative, like “Nobody wants that.” That little voice inside of me is like “Well, actually!” I try to tune my ears to where someone is coming from, but words are important to me—so it often proves difficult. I don’t want to always be contradictory or dissecting people’s speech, feelings, or expressions.   

If you’re on the giving end of these absolutes, take a moment to think outside of how you see things. Realize that maybe there are loads of people who think differently than you and that that’s okay. If you’re on the receiving end, be as patient as you can and see the meaningbehind the words. Try to understand the essence of what someone is really attempting to communicate.

Whether they are a thinker or a feeler, an absolutist or a grey-area dweller . . . 

Love them as they are, have amazing sex, and communicate with intention. 

David

I'm Back

Do you ever find yourself letting life happen to you? Do you ever feel like you're not in the driver’s seat? 

Sometimes that feeling can be a beautiful one when you make room for life to just happen. Take a seat as a passenger and allow the wave to push you along. When the water is relatively calm and flowing in a direction you are enjoying, it feels great. But there’s another side to that. (You know me and the other side of things.) Sometimes you can be the passenger and not be paying close attention to where you are going and end up not having a clue where you are or how the hell you got there.  

I have experienced both sides of this passive method of living. I will acknowledge that not making a choice is still a choice and there is even responsibility and intention in being unintentional. I have my cycles in every aspect of my life, whether it is my art making or my love making (by love making I mean in the emotional sense for once). There are periods where I am super intentional and exercise control, sometimes to the point of obsession. Other times, I am like water, put me in a cup and I become the cup. 

It’s been a while since I've written for this blog and I'm sitting here thinking, “How do I get to the point about being my truest self? The light and the shadow? Embracing all that is truly me and discovering what is not.?” (I guess this is how.)

Can I be both?

Is it OK to be a living, breathing contradiction in terms?

It all seems to be a process that I am very much still learning. I know most of me at the core. But the truth is, I live in a world that often sits in contradiction to how I see things. I struggle with that reality quite regularly. I know I don't fit into the boxes society has ready for me. I know I don't want to fit in them. Yet, I repeatedly find myself playing contortionist and squeezing myself in.

I am reinviting you along for the ride as I process this journey. It’s time to return to my weekly schedule of Monday morning magic and sharing.

I’M BACK!!! 

It’s time to…….

Love them as they are, have amazing sex, and communicate with intention.

David