“Nobody wants that!”. . .and Other Absolutes
I am not a fan of absolutes. I especially dislike them when they refer to me. There are few things in this world that I feel really strongly about. My art, my time, my truth (well, that was mildly narcissistic)—okay, THE truth. I’ve found that in conversation, most absolutes are hyperbolic opinions rooted in one’s experience rather than actual truth. Speaking in absolutes seems to be a pretty common method of expression. I can't imagine that I’m the only one this drives bananas.
(Like I always do, I'm sure I will contradict myself somewhere in here.)
Communication, as you know, is both a major imperative for me, as well as one of my great challenges. Being a very fact-based thinker, I find myself continually challenged when it comes to emotional communication. It gets hard to discern the meat or facts buried in the thick of an emotional expression. (Maybe that’s part of the problem: I’m looking for facts at the core of a feeling.) Present me with an emotional problem and I want to know the why so I can remove or get you to reevaluate that reason as a means of solution. I guess in that way I’m like most men, a problem solver.
Before I go further, let me be sure not to confuse you. I do have feelings, plenty of them. Sometimes they even overwhelm me, but for the most part I do my best to not allow them to be in charge of how I function.
Words like all, every, none, never, etc. seem to be triggers for me. I have to take a beat and catch my breath when I hear them. (Something I’ve been working on doing more.) It feels like a little itch inside that makes me wanna scream “NO!” Absolutes feel most egregious in the negative, like “Nobody wants that.” That little voice inside of me is like “Well, actually!” I try to tune my ears to where someone is coming from, but words are important to me—so it often proves difficult. I don’t want to always be contradictory or dissecting people’s speech, feelings, or expressions.
If you’re on the giving end of these absolutes, take a moment to think outside of how you see things. Realize that maybe there are loads of people who think differently than you and that that’s okay. If you’re on the receiving end, be as patient as you can and see the meaningbehind the words. Try to understand the essence of what someone is really attempting to communicate.
Whether they are a thinker or a feeler, an absolutist or a grey-area dweller . . .
Love them as they are, have amazing sex, and communicate with intention.