October Magic And Mayhem

October has always been an interesting month for me. It can often be a rollercoaster of emotional space and life happenings. Once again 2017 swooped in and reminded me of how magical my world can be. 

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The Highlights

  • Art trip 
  • My birthday (omg my birthday!!!)
  • I sang in public (like nine actual words to music in front of other people)
  • Solo Exhibition (conceived, curated, installed, and opened in 4 days) 
  • Amazing Sex (like its time to reevaluate how you define sex)
  • My libido went on vacation (that one threw me but it was a good thing I think)
  • I got mugged (dude  literally snatched my phone out of my hand in the middle of a FaceTime conversation)
  • The universe autocorrected (I got my phone back and had a magical adventure)
  • Got inspired ideas for like 5 new series of work (the ideas just keep coming)
  • Recognition, validation, and magic all over the place

The obvious start is that my birthday is the beginning of this beautiful month. I'm 42 now and the ever comedic universe likes to play with how I feel about my age. It goes from exchanges that make me feel supernaturally “young” for my age, to moments that remind me…. “sir not only are you actually not young, but you are out of shape and need to take better care of this delicately aging machine”

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It has become a time for a great deal of reflection on my life’s path. There is usually some drama or adventure. I have days of unparalleled joy and days of just ridiculous insanity. I’m a Libra, so while for some of you that just might sound crazy, it’s my norm. I’m always aware of the other side of the scale. Life is a constant balancing act. Something is always falling on one side or another and tilting us away from or toward the next experience. 

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Well, October is over and we are officially well into November and I am sucking at being consistent with posting here. (Complaints of a man with a crap ton of awesome in his life that keeps him from writing lol) Anyway, I want to end by saying thank you! Thank you to the universe and thank you to all of the people that were a part of an amazing month. 

 

Love them as they are, have amazing sex, and communicate with intention.

David

Vulnerable Moments

There is something so incredibly wonderful and beautiful about moments of vulnerability. It’s 4 a.m. and I just hopped up in bed because these words want to land on the page.

Last night I had one of those vulnerable moments. In the middle of doing what I do the most comfortably and confidently, I found myself doing probably the one thing I do with the least comfort and confidence. I sang a few lines from a song I’m working on. Long story short, the painter in me doesn’t want to make room for the singer. The singer is an insecure, timid little thing that hasn’t fully accepted his voice or found his groove yet. Blah, blah, blah, I could go on. Basically, I get terrified at the idea of being seen in any way other than amazing — hence the anxiety!

So I woke up thinking about all of the vulnerable moments people in my life have shared with me and just how beautiful those were for me and how intense they might have been for them. Some of those moments may not have been acknowledged as deeply meaningful in real time for any number of reasons. I would like to take the opportunity to do that now. 

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If you have ever personally or publicly shared a moment of vulnerability with me, THANK YOU!!! Thank you for counting me among the people and places where you feel safe, or where you feel brave. Thank you for allowing me to experience that part of you. I cherish those moments dearly. 

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If you have something on your mind that you want to share, something you feel you want to express,

  • a song to sing
  • a story to tell
  • a bone to pick
  • a moment to celebrate 
  • a position to try
  • a poem to read
  • a confession to make

If the idea of that moment makes you feel a little tingly inside or makes you feel frozen and faint-hearted, find somewhere or someone that makes you feel safe enough or brave enough to be vulnerable. Friend, family member, or lover, find them and have that moment. Chances are high that it just might make you feel amazing inside. 

Just something I felt compelled to share!

Love them as they are, have amazing sex, and communicate with intention. 

David

Compersion

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So, you know how I like words. I came across a new one recently. It perfectly describes a feeling I have experienced all of my life yet never had a word for. Language is incredibly important in the matters of love, sex, and communication. (Hell, in life in general!) Our understanding of love as a society is so deeply rooted in a singular model or perspective. Our culture is by and large not just pro-monogamy but anti-anything else. Jealousy is often regarded as a qualifier for the intensity of attraction desire or love one feels for another. But what is this feeling I feel? In the situations where the often expected response is jealousy, I have most often felt something completely different. It felt like the antithesis to jealousy.  

Compersion: noun

    The feeling of joy one has experiencing another’s joy. The feeling of joy associated with seeing a loved one love another. 

    A feeling of joy when a partner invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship.

    Often referred to as the opposite of jealousy.

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I was given that little gem of a word in a great conversation I was having about love relationships. I have been sitting on it for two weeks now, trying to really let it find its way into my lexicon of love. (Let’s just say I've been quietly giddy about it.) Now that we have compersion defined, we can look at it a few different ways. Are we going to talk about the mental, emotional, or the physical expressions of love and joy? I am really interested in thinking about the romantic implications this kind of thinking has and what having a word to describe it makes space for. 

The language around love is often filled with concepts of singularity, possession, and hierarchy. I have been asked on multiple occasions and at many stages of my life, “What happened to change the way you feel about love?” NOTHING! I have felt the way I do, that love is infinite, not bound by possession, and not subject to a system of hierarchy, since as long as I can remember. Now, have I questioned my own feelings and thoughts about it? Absolutely. At every turn, the world tells us what love is supposed to look like. It tells us what to expect, what it feels like when its “real” and when it’s not. Our notion of love as a culture is inundated with conditions.

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Imagine for a moment a world where it is the cultural norm for people to engage freely in multiple love experiences and connections without possession. Now imagine in that world you want to keep a love or lover all to yourself. Imagine the opposition you might face from that society. You would undoubtedly face all sorts of rebuttal for your selfish act of restricting this love experience and making it unavailable for anyone else. How would you explain to the people that have your best interest at heart that there’s nothing wrong with how you feel about love? That jealousy was a perfectly normal feeling and it was okay for you to feel it? How would you ask your beloved to choose you and forsake all others? Welcome to my world. (and that of all the other folks that just constantly find ourselves defending our feelings around love and relationships. 

How can I say this plainly?

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It feels really good to know you feel good even if it’s not me making you feel that way. I find joy in anyone that brings me pleasure or that I care about having pleasure in their lives. I don’t want to be responsible for all of the pleasure that comes into your life. I will go as far as to say I don’t want to be responsible for all of the romantic pleasure that comes into your life nor do I want that from one person for me. I get off on you getting off. 

This how I see, how I live, and how I love.  While you’re out there finding new language to incorporate and share….

Love them as they are, have amazing sex, and communicate with intention!

David