Where, oh where do I start with this one?!? I guess with how you even get to this point in the first place. Maybe it was a quietly kept desire you've had for some time and are just now at the point where you want to make it a reality. Or maybe it was suggested by a partner and you have recently decided that it's time to give that gift to them (in which case, you should be absolutely sure that this is something you really want to do). Or perhaps there’s another couple that has just invited you to join them. In either of these scenarios, there are several factors to consider before you should move forward.

You were expecting me to just yell, "GO FOR IT!!!" huh? I won’t be quite so reckless (although I have been known to be with some other topics around LS&C).

So, you've reflected on and admitted to how you got to this place of considering a threesome. You've decided it's a go. What do you do about it? Here are a few quick tips to a threesome experience.

First, I would recommend that you exercise as much say-so as you can over the details. When? Where? With whom? It is important to really flesh these things out long before the heat of the moment. It can be tricky to navigate the sexual needs, feelings and desires of just one other person. Throw in a third and that could either be a beautiful display of fireworks or…well, it could totally blow--and not in the good sense of the word.

Now let’s say that you have been invited to be the 'third' with an existing couple. The questions you would ask yourself are quite different. They might be along the lines of, What is my role? How do I fit in? How much are my sexual needs being considered in this situation? The last thing you want is to find yourself in a situation where you become a disposable accessory to someone else's pleasure…I mean, unless that is what turns you on!

So yes: Your partner and you have decided to add a 'third.' The second thing you must do is be honest with one another about the intention of the threesome. Whether the intention is to spice things up a bit with this one-time experience or to introduce a new activity that will become part of your sexual repertoire, you must tread carefully. Be sure that everyone is on the same page. Choose the third partner with this intent in mind. At different points during the threesome, one or the other of you will be the center of sexual attention. Be prepared for the moment(s) when the focus is not on you.

Having a threesome is one hell of a risk to take. You know this and decide to move forward.

So you are in the midst of a wonderfully intense fling. You know it has no sustainable future but you've decided to enjoy it for what it is. Now is when I scream GO FOR IT!!!!! Throw butt-naked caution to the wind!!! Well, not all caution. Translation: Strap up! It's 2015 and nobody wants a preventable, unwanted anything!

Now for the less emotional but potentially complicated possibilities and logistics the threesome:

Possibilities

The man wants to watch and join his woman with another woman;
The woman wants to watch and join her man with another woman;
The woman wants to have another woman help her please her man;
The man wants to have another man help him please his woman;
The man wants to watch his woman please another man;
The woman wants to watch her man please another man;
The both of them want a third to join in a free-for-all circle of fun;
They both get drunk and wake up with a third in the bed and have no idea what the hell happened;
Two men decide they want to experience a woman together;
Two women decide they want to experience a man together;
A couple that are both bisexual cannot decide what the hell they want to try and fall asleep on the couch together and dream about home decor;
You decide, screw it all! and make love with you, yourself and that other side (technically not a threesome, but let's be honest... when well-executed, still amazing).

Of course I could never pretend to know even half of the possible scenarios. And in the spirit of honesty, I have to admit: I have only had about a 30/70 success/failure rate with the threesome experience. Here are a few...

One happened while attempting to fulfill a threesome fantasy for a friend (you know, because I'm just caring that way.) The 'third' was so into what he was doing with my friend, he must have forgotten I was there. He went to reach for the cookies, touched the back of my head and completely freaked out! FAIL!

Or the unforgettable moment when, in the heat of the moment, two couples get naked (technically not a threesome, but you get the point) without discussing anything I suggested earlier. He takes one look at then literally says out loud, "Oh, you ain't putting that in my wife!" (I almost died!!!!) FAIL!

Yet, an impromptu and completely unplanned situation (at least on my part) managed to work out wonderfully.Though this example is unique and follows NONE of the quick tips I have provided, I'm compelled to share anyway. I had a lover who (knowing how flaky I could be back then) always had a backup in case I didn't show. Well, the backup knocked on the door in the middle of us having sex. She claimed that she had "forgotten" to call them to cancel. Much to our (or maybe just my own) surprise, they were with it! That one worked out wonderfully. SUCCESS!

People will often back out, side step, and change their tune when confronted with the real deal right in front of them. For most of us, the idea of a threesome (or any kind of group sex) is fantasy and will forever remain in the fantasy realm. But every once in awhile, it works out beautifully and you have an experience that will be worth remembering.

I’m sure you read this week's title and figured, Hmmm...this is going to be a sexy one. I guess whether it met your expectations depends on your perspective or your ability to fantasize. Consider the things I have mentioned as you move toward a more fulfilling relationship.

So you DO want to have a threesome? Then just know: It has the potential to be the beginning of a wonderful set of experiences for your partner and you. But if poorly executed, it also could be the beginning of the end. Weigh the options. Carefully. Then choose wisely as you remember to....

Love them as they are, have amazing sex and communicate with intention.

David