Have you ever tried to figure out what it is that attracts you to a certain person or people? I get asked quite often, "What's your type?" For the longest time I didn't really know what my type was or if I even had one. My first instinct has always been to answer that question with a list of physical descriptions.
Curvy. Soft. Fit with full lips. Tall with curls. Short. Light, dark, brown or beige. The list would go on and on. Funny thing is that as I age, this list continues to grow. I notice that the more it grows, the more it contradicts itself. So…do I not have a type? I have realized that I am attracted to such a wide range of physical features it can be difficult for one short list of descriptive features to pin down what will attract my attention. Sometimes I will jokingly answer this question with one simple word: Women. Which is probably the most honest answer if we are talking about physical attraction alone. Of course, this ambiguity has been a huge point of contention for the women who find themselves romantically involved with me. They never really know what to expect when I divulge an attraction.
Attraction has many faces. Obviously, it can be sexual in nature. You know, that pitter- patter you feel in your pants when someone catches your eye? When the attraction is sexual, we go right to the things we would love to do to, do with, or have done to us by the one who is the object of that attraction. Women get moist. Men get firm (totally unfair, by the way). Our minds can wander and a simple conversation can be difficult to focus on when all you can do is imagine the wonderful things the mouth that is speaking is capable of doing. When that level of initial attraction is mutual, sparks fly, energy is exchanged and the normal rules by which you play are either changed or ignored.
Physical attraction can truly be a beautiful and immediate thing. But let me talk to you about another level of attraction that many people do not acknowledge or understand.
It is a level of attraction where I find myself most affected. That place that is not immediately sexual in nature, but could potentially have the energy connected to that. This level of attraction draws me toward a person with quick wit, or someone with a powerfully creative mind. It makes me want to be around someone skilled in something that they are passionate about and don't even get me started on language. ‘Cause a well-articulated and expansive vocabulary accompanied by the occasional appropriately appointed profanity (Lord yesss!!!)! All these things and more will have me desiring to spend more time in your company. It draws me to a person. Pulls me in--in a way that it has taken me years to understand.
Recently, I have been hearing the word sapiosexual thrown around quite often. Used to name people who have an innate attraction to intelligence, it is a neologism-- a new made up ass word-- which I happen to love! I make up words on the regular. It's fun when they can make sense to people and even more so if it happens to catch on or people start using it in regular conversation. As much as I love the word, sapiosexual doesn't quite cut it for me! The same way there is a broad combination of things that attract me physically, my mind is equally as complicated. You know, I have a gift for the complicated.
Insert Creosapiosexual (David Anthony’s neologism)
Creo = creativity/to create
Sapio = wisdom/intelligence
Sexual = well you know...
It's a simple addition but I think it better defines the stuff that makes me (and perhaps some of you) tick. My entire discovery came as a result of me thinking more honestly about what turns me on and what draws me closer to a person. Beyond the physical attraction, I wanted to get to the bottom of what makes me want to share energies with someone. Have you done that for yourself? Maybe you have no need to come up with a word for it like I did, but it is a great thing to learn about yourself. No matter how wide the range of attraction, there are patterns and they do repeat. Take a good look at your patterns. You may find yourself surprised by what you discover or you may see exactly what you expected. After all, remember you picked them as much as they picked you.
Love them as they are, have amazing sex and communicate with intention.