How do we get the things we want in life? For those of us who are lucky, those things just seem to fall into our laps. For others, it can be a struggle. I've often heard it said that closed mouths don't get fed. Make it known: What you want, what you like and what you dislike.
So in the interim between the writing the introduction and now, I proposed the title of this post to my mother. You should have seen her face. Priceless!!! I realized, based on peoples knowledge of me and on their own perspective, they may interpret that statement, "Have the sex you want," in a lot of different ways. She was convinced that I was about to write about how to have as much sex with as many people as possible. I also realized that if my own mother had this thought, then others would too. That's not quite accurate. But I digress. Now, back to what I was actually planning to write:
Step 1: Make your desires known. This is often easier said than done. For most of us, I assume the sex we want involves another human being, so I will be focusing on that. If that’s not what you want, well I guess I don't know how to help. Telling a lover what you really want from them can be fraught with potential worries. What will they think of me? What if they don't like that? Will they still want me after? Will I offend them? And a thousand more concerns I'm sure people may have. This will be bold advice (maybe not): Tell them anyway! Decide for yourself if it’s something you want to experience with the person with whom you are engaged in sex. If you say yes, tell them! Don't build it up and don't make a big deal out of it. I mean unless it involves a blood sacrifice or something extreme. (Insert your definition of extreme here. Lol!)
Step 2: See how they respond. Chances are you’re fine. Just a note: If your lover looks at you like "WTF?!? Hell no! Are you crazy?!?" That’s not my fault, Nasty Ass (just kidding)! No seriously, have an adult conversation. Decide if this is something you both want to try. Now, since you've confided in them, it's their turn. Ask them to share something they want with you. You may be pleasantly surprised, but remember your own apprehension about potential judgment when you're listening to their desires.
Step 3: This has two options. If you decide against trying whatever was proposed, think of something else. If you decide to go for it, just be communicative through the experiment.
Step 4: If you enjoy it then wash, rinse, repeat and expand! If not, move on. Try something else.
Ha! I just remembered, there’s a shorter version to this already short set of ideas. Communicate. Listen to each other's words and bodies. Respond in kind.
Love them as they are, have amazing sex and communicate with intention.