Yeah, I co-opted part of the title for this one 'cause it's just right for what has been on my mind. Let me know if y'all can relate.
A few days ago, I was having a great talk with one of my closest friends. She turned to me and said, "David, there are only a few women in this world who can handle a relationship with you. And, of them, very few will last any considerable length of time. So prepare yourself for some wonderfully, beautiful and intense--but short-- lived experiences."
Now, that was some hard shit to hear! But it has been in the back of my head ever since. Is that really what I need to prepare myself for in my life? Do I want that to be my reality for the next 40 years? (I give myself a good 80 and then, I'm out!)
I say no! Actually, hell no! I'll take the intensity all day long but nothing about my personality says short or brief. Even when the romantic part fades, long-term friendships usually remain. That's what I'm used to. So, fast forward to the situation that gave me the inspiration to write this...
I met someone. I was at a gallery opening and she was with a friend who happened to know one of the people sitting at the table with me. Even as she was walking over to our table, I noticed her and was a little giddy when she stopped in front of us. One thing about me is that I notice (and am incredibly attracted) to certain feminine features that most men don't recognize or acknowledge. I don't know if that's a David Anthony thing or an artist thing. Either way, she had these traits! (Teaser: I'll write about these traits in an upcoming post!) Simply put, she was GORGEOUS!
Anyway, introductions proceeded. After several exchanges, it was our turn. I swear, I forgot my name and suddenly developed a stutter. She would later tell me that she totally missed that but in my head, I became a grown-up incarnation of Mushmouth from Fat Albert! I pulled it together somehow and didn't let her leave without making sure that it was clear to her that I was interested. She left and I proceeded with the rest of my evening, only to run into her again at my next destination. Call me crazy but I figured the Universe may have been playing a hand in this one. Not that I don't believe in coincidences. (Trust me, some shit just happens. it ain't always meant to be.)
So, here we are--chatting it up: Directly and intensely engaged with one another, even though we were surrounded by potential distractions. We both expressed how enjoyable this exchange was. We parted ways but not without first properly exchanging contact information. We were texting one another even before I could make it to my car. Obviously, the vibe between us was real.
Our evening was soon followed by daily conversations. You know, the on the phone for hours and neither one of you wants to hang up type stuff? (Seriously I'm 40! That shit ain't supposed to happen anymore!) I have to admit, I was having a ball just getting to know this girl!
So, it's time for our first date and we meet up at the art center where I have some work on display. I give her a little peek into my world. We have coffee and conversation for a solid hour, followed by a walk through the neighborhood. A visit to my work-space, more conversation, a trip to the record store and even more conversation. By the end of the eveningwe were both saying out loud that this experience was wonderful! We never wanted our time together to end!
It wasn't until several lunches and a subsequent date later (which were all as awesome as the first) that I realized I had become the one doing most of the reaching out. The time between our conversations grew longer. Then, it hit me: I was chasing this girl! Now, people who know anything about me would say that this is so out of character. Yet, it was happening. I was lost for words and didn't know quite what to do with these new emotions: Was I being a bugaboo? Getting played? Worst, was it possible that I was diggin' this girl like an old school record while she was playing me like a top 40's hit song?
I gave it a few days, just to see if I might get a call or a message. NADA!!! I can't lie, your boy was shaken. After some real, open-hearted talks with my braintrust, (you know, those friends who know how to get you grounded and who give the best, most level-headed advice), I decided I would just state my case to her and lay my cards face-up on the table!
So I called her, 'cause I just can't text what I want to say. No answer. I wish I had a transcript of what I said on her voicemail, but it went something like, "Hey, it's David. I haven't heard from you in a bit and I'm not sure what's up. So I'm gonna say it plain and simple: I like you! I enjoy the time we spend together and I'd like to do more of that." That was it. Open. Honest. No room for misinterpretation. I eagerly awaited my return call.
Well, it never came. No response whatsoever! Ok...Hint taken.
I guess I should be glad that she didn't answer or call back. I'm not sure how I would have taken a direct rejection. I mean , I’m sure I would have been quiet and respectful but internally? It's just not what I needed at the time! Or maybe it was exactly what I needed.
Here’s the thing: I am attempting to live my truth as honorably as I can. So maybe my friend's words about embracing the short and brief moments of intensity are more crucial than I realized. This situation (which still has me baffled) is a prime example of that. I was truthful with her from the start, so I thought she understood that a relationship (traditional or not) was not something I was open to or ready for. Maybe she thought she could live with that, then decided she could not. In reality, she may have never even heard the message, I have absolutely no idea.
Either way, I have to respect the choice she made to not return my call, even though I don't like it. I mean, no one voluntarily signs up for rejection, right? And maybe that's part of the point. When many women hear my truth (me not being open or ready for a committed relationship) and begin to see how it might affect their lives, most of them will tap out. Maybe they figure, why even set myself up for rejection? Why sign up for something now that is bound to be a disappointment later? I totally get it!
So, maybe she just wasn't that into me. Or maybe she was but it fizzled much faster than what I am used to. Whatever the case, the truth in this situation is I have to pick up my face and keep it moving. And I have. Well, mostly. I mean, it is a humbling experience when you realize that you won't always agree with or get to choose when the intensity ends. So, here is where I get to follow my own advice:
Love them as they are, have amazing sex and communicate with intention.
Author: David Anthony Geary
Contributing Writer/Editor: Tyra L. Nelson
Images: David Anthony Geary