In every relationship, we make agreements. We tell one another what we like and what we don't. It is an important part of the process of building a foundation with a new partner. It starts in the beginning and slowly, whether we intend to or not, we continuously make agreements.
Before we go on, take a moment to think about your past or current relationships. Just a few more moments...Some of us may need a little more time than others (no judgement here). Okay, remember that thing your partner said or did in the beginning that you really didn't like? You gritted your teeth and let it slide, certain that either you could adapt to them or that this annoying thing was just a fluke. Then they do it again. And again. Yet, you stay silent and barely even grit your teeth anymore. Everything else is good, so why rock the boat?
At some point this has happened to all of us. And many of us have been on both sides of that scenario without even recognizing it.
I know for a fact that others have tolerated ways about me that they truly did not want to accept. They have made concessions just to stay in a relationship with me. There are times when I was unaware and times when I knew and chose not confront or question it. I have also been the one guilty of staying silent about things I knew I could never fully accept. Public arguments (I truly hate those), expectations or demands of exclusivity and drains on time and energy.
These silent agreements will have you doing things you have no desire to and going places you have no desire to go. The more agreements you make, the easier it can be to get lost in an inauthentic relationship: It looks healthy and happy until suddenly, you or your partner takes yourself off mute. That is when the shit can really hit the fan.
It’s okay, y’all- let it stannkk!!! Get messy! Just don’t stay in that stanky mess for long.
Depending on whether you two are willing and able to get past, work through and move forward from these issues, it doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship. Sometimes, when one person is not willing or able, tough decisions have to be made. Do you stay and continue to concede or do you clear the air and move on?
I have chosen both paths. Quite honestly, though, the longer my real thoughts and feelings were kept on mute, the more I was expected to accept the silently-agreed-to behavior.
Neither choice is without consequence. So make your choice on whether to stay silent or confront your partner based on your willingness to...
Love them as they are, have amazing sex and communicate with intention.